Meanderings of Adam and Stacia

I'm a 27 year old man.  I've been married for a little over a month now, almost a month and a half, I guess.  Life is getting to where I can say that it is starting to settle down, and I like that a lot.  For the first time in my life, things are seeming to fall into place and settle down into what I picture as my life being like for the next... SEVERAL years.  I have a family now.  I am a married man now.  We do family stuff.  We celebrate and commisserate together like families do.  There are times when it is somewhat difficult, but that is life, and that is genuinely ok because that is how we grow.

I recently did something that I haven't done in over a decade, for the most part.  I turned a page in my life and it is something that I am very proud of.  For nearly the last 12 years, I've worked with my dad in his law office doing all things secretarial and filling the roll basically of a paralegal.  It was a difficult job at times.  It was a slow job at times.  It was a huge blessing that put me through school and kept me out of the red the last decade.  I am eternally grateful to my dad for providing me with that job and for teaching me everything that he did and helping me to learn about the business world as much as I did.

Last week, I left working with my dad and started a new job with the company, CashCall.  I hadn't started a new REAL job in years and years, and starting this new job was such a pleasant surprise.  First off, I got the referral from my best friend, Joe.  He's worked there for several years, and he sent me a text one day and said his friend who is a manager there was looking for someone to hire.  I decided to see what it was all about, sent an email, and set up an interview.

So I interviewed and ended up getting the job.  I've now been working as a Quality Control Auditor for a week.  I am the guy who listens to the recorded phone calls from companies that say "this call may be monitored for quality assurance".  It is actually a super fun job.  I've come across some super fun phone calls and on top of that, I work with a really great team.  I work with 3 other people on my team, and then we all have a manager.  So we are a team of 5, and they are all really great.

I'm very much enjoying my new work.  I very much look forward to several more weeks, months... even years there.  The people are great, the work is pretty enjoyable, and it is close to home... the pay is pretty good, too... so that's nice.

Bottom line... I began a new chapter of my life and I'M LOVING IT!!!

Hey everyone!  Been a while since I wrote a new entry for our little blog here... I've been a little busy BEING MARRIED TO MY BEST FRIEND!!!!  Yeah... We've been married for 12 days now... 2 week on Saturday, and I just gotta say... IT'S BEEN TRULY AMAZING!!!  I still sometimes can't believe that we're married... WE'RE MARRIED!!!  Stacia truly is my best friend and now she's MY WIFE!!  That's wild to me, and yet... it's the greatest thing ever!!

So I've been living with Stacia for 12 days now... well, with Stacia AND Joey, my STEP SON!!!  He is awesome.  I will say, he gets up way too early and comes and jumps in bed, which isn't my favorite thing in the world... but we explained that he's got to wait until a little bit later in the morning, and he's been very receptive of that, so that's really nice to get to sleep until... 6:30am... still WAY early for me, but not terrible.  The early morning wake up calls have helped me to sleep better through the night, I think.  So a blessing in disguise.

Anyway, from the title of this post, you can probably assume it's about our honeymoon... WHICH IT IS!!!  We leave TOMORROW MORNING/AFTERNOON for the cruise!  We're going on a 9-night Mexican Riviera cruise... We're going to Cabo, Puerto, Ensenada and Manzanillo.  I really REALLY can't wait!!  We've got a few shore excursions planned, as well.  We're para-sailing in Cabo, we're going on a Pirate Ship Adventure in Puerto Vallarta, then we're getting a couples massage on the ship when we're in the Ensenada port.  It's going to be AMAZING!!!

I'm mostly looking forward to being able to relax, finally... we've been going crazy with the stress of the wedding planning before the wedding, and since the wedding 2 weeks ago, that stress has slowly been falling off, which has been great, but we still haven't had a real chance to relax... so these 9-nights are going to be AMAZINGLY WELL-DESERVED!!!   I've been keeping myself busy finishing up the putting the house together with all the new stuff (my stuff) and all that decorating and cleaning and straightening type stuff while Stacia is working and Joey is at school.  I've also been enjoying how much I've been cooking... which I simply LOVE doing, cooking is actually kind of relaxing for me, so I love doing it and that's a plus because Stacia likes my cooking, so that's great.  I've also been Making Joey's lunches for school, makes me feel like an official dad and I like that.  I've also still been working at the office and slowly getting through some school stuff... so it's been a very busy 2 weeks.

But none of that matters... WE'RE GOING ON OUR HONEYMOON TOMORROW!!!  AREN'T YOU SOOO EXCITED, BABY?!?!?!?!

Feels like it's just been a few days since I last posted a blog.  That might be because it's only been a week and a half or so, but who knows, right?  Either way... it doesn't really matter, because I've got more news to share with you all (whoever "you all" is in this case).

Today is the tail end of Wednesday the 17th, so that means on Monday the 15th, wait for it... STACIA AND I GOT OUR RINGS!!!  We were walking around MainPlace mall in Santa Ana and went to Ben Bridge (don't go to that one, the workers are LAME), and we were hoping to go to a Kay, cause we found ones that we REALLY liked at the Kay in the Spectrum, but that's neither here nor there.  We didn't find a Kay, but we saw a Kevin, so we went in and shopped around... nothing stood out, so we got over it and went to eat.

So we were eating Panda Express, then as we were walking over to the mall directory thing to see if there was a Kay somewhere in the mall... BAM!!!  Right smack dab in front of our faces... it was right there!!!  So we went in... spoke to the most amazing salesman, Chris, and after about 45 minutes... WE GOT OUR RINGS!!! They are super amazing, and I can't wait for everyone to see them... next month!!!

Best part about the whole thing... we stayed UNDER budget in buying them, so that's really great!!

But honestly, they really are amazing, and I couldn't be happier with our picks... they're just so... US!!!

So you'll all get to see them next month, and you'll love them, too!!!

Don't forget to check out our Wedding Website for details about where we're registered!

So this last weekend (August 5, 6 and 7), I did a lot of organizing and moving in of a bunch of my stuff into Stacia's house (soon to be OUR house).

Stacia works full time, and I am so incredibly proud of her and all the hard work she puts into her job each and every day.  Being the Financial Controller of a big company is very noteworthy and I couldn't be more proud.  I, on the other hand, only work part time, and while I'd like more hours to afford for more income, I'm willing to let the ego and pride fall for a bit because I'm also working on finishing my Master's in Literature and Writing and planning a wedding and looking for more work AND moving my life up and over to Stacia's house... so the part time work is good for now, because it allows me to do all the heavy lifting, so to speak, and get all the work done that needs to be done, and that Stacia doesn't necessarily have the time to do.

So, like I said, I moved a bunch of stuff over to her house and while it was incredibly exhausting and completely wore me out, I feel like it was very productive.  It's going to take some time to get used to the idea of living there and her house being our house... but with time it will feel like home... like OUR home.

I still have a lot to move over, and she's still got a lot to re-organize and move out, etc., but we're getting there.  There's only 46 more days until the wedding, and that blows my mind... it's literally just around the corner... a month and a half... crazy... AWESOME.

I am in the process of planning a wedding with my absolute best friend and fiance, Stacia. In just under 5 months, we are going to be married, which is the greatest blessing my life has ever known. She and I came together in the most unlikely of circumstances, and I wouldn't change a single thing about it, because our story is truly amazing and I love every line of it.

That said... it is safe to say that in all relationships, compromises are met and sacrifices are made for the heath and benefit of the other. I will absolutely acknowledge the compromises and sacrifices that my girl has made for me, and I am eternally grateful to her for each of them. She made them out of love for me and out of a desire to do what is right for us. In the same vein, I've made sacrifices and compromises for her, out of love for her and a desire to do what is right for us.

Now... I used to be a very heavy drinker. Some might even have called me an alcoholic, and I'd probably have agreed with that label. No, my drinking never affected my doing well at work or in school, but it truly and very negatively affected my emotional and mental stability, therefore, while I was still able to function, I was allowing my drinking to tear me down.

Since being with Stacia, I've grown and matured a great deal, and my drinking, as a personal choice of my own, never a request of hers, has become much more limited. Yes, I still enjoy a drink or two or three from time to time, depending on the circumstance, but I in NO WAY drink anything like I used to.

Some confuse my now more matured and more sober persona as a lack of happiness or joy in my life. And while I can understand that perception, I see it as completely the opposite. I am happier now than when I was drinking like I was back then. Was I happy back then, it most likely seemed so from the outside... always loud and part of the crowd, always making jokes and being the "fun" guy to hang out with. Yes, all these things are true, that's how life was for me as a heavy drinker. But I was empty. I was drinking like that to hide the emptiness.

Now... my happiness now is different. Some don't notice my happiness now or appreciate how right now I'm the happiest I've ever been, but truly... that is the case. I finally realized that I don't need alcohol to be a happy man. Like I said, I do still enjoy alcohol here and there, but I understand that I do not need it.

I'm saying, here, that just because my happiness and my joy do not seem like they once did, as loud and on the surface as it used to be (due to the alcohol and lack of inhibitions), my happiness and joy are still there... and much more meaningful and profound.

If you think I'm not the same guy I used to be... that's because I'M NOT. I'm a different man, a better man, a much happier man.

Just ask and you'll see it. Ask me why I love my fiance... look in my eyes as I explain the little things that make me love her... then try and convince yourself I'm not happy... You won't be able to.

I was on my way in to the office this morning and something occurred to me.  Sure, I've thought it a few times before, even have written about it before, a poem I believe.  But that's neither here nor there.  The point is that I thought of this once again...

While I was on my way to the office, on the freeway, I noticed so many impatient people.  I was driving a bit over the speed limit, probably hovering right around 76mph or so (I don't like getting up to 80mph anymore, just to be safe).  And yet this speed, which was 10mph over the limit, was not fast enough for several individuals behind me.

I kept on having people get impatient with my already fast paced speed and pass me with such impatient and somewhat angry looks on their faces.  Where are they going that they need to get there an extra 20 seconds sooner?  That's all that going around me would afford them, an extra few seconds.  So after a few of these cars getting impatient and going around me, I just began to think... We go through life much faster than we are meant to.

When we speed from task to task, from point A to point B, we miss so much of what this life has to offer.  We get so caught up in what is going on in our cars, around our cars, on the side of the road, what's in our minds, etc. that we lose sight of the fact that RIGHT NOW is a gift, that's why it's call the PRESENT.  Cliche, yeah, I know.  But I don't care because IT IS TRUE.  We are all taking breaths as we read this, that is a gift.  We are all given the ability to read this with our own eyes... that is a gift.

We need to slow down and admire the world around us.  Even if the view isn't great, even if you're stuck in traffic... slow down your heart and your mind... YOU'VE ALIVE!!  You have been given the greatest gift of all... LIFE!!!

I know about the hustle and bustle of the world around us, I was raised in a family of six kids... I know how busy things can get sometimes.  I know that stress levels mount ALL AROUND US... believe me... I'M PLANNING A WEDDING AS I TYPE THIS... I know that stress is real and that it will ALWAYS hit us here and there... but that's not the point... the point is that IF we take the time to slow down and admire the beauty around us... the stress will feel a little less painful.

When I'm feeling stressed there are a few things I do that help me more than anything I could ever have imagined...

1)  When the stress levels are taking me over and freaking me out, making me feel helpless and hopeless... I close my eyes... I breathe deep, and I acknowledge that this is just a momentary stress, even if the moment lasts a month, two months, it is still JUST A FRACTION compared to the rest of our lives;

2)  I open my eyes back up to the world, and I thank God for the little things.  The fact that my windshield may be cracked, but it hasn't cracked any more in over three months.  The fact that I have a car to get me where I need to go, and that I have a job to pay for that car and all the gas that I need for it; and

3)  I realize that I've never been so blessed in my life as I am right now.  I AM MARRYING MY BEST FRIEND IN LESS THAN A YEAR!!!  One year ago today, I was in a pretty dark place, I was filled with depression and I was spiraling downward... and fast.  But then something happened, I realized that my friend needed a friend, and I went to her.  And from there, from that simple act of comforting someone I cared about... from there grew the greatest love I've ever known and I've never been happier than I am with Stacia Rae.  I would never change anything about her or our relationship.

So take the time to slow down... be a few minutes late... don't rush through the day... you'll miss something for sure.  I'd love to avoid the stress of planning this wedding, but I wouldn't miss ANY of it for the world... I don't want to speed through any of it, I don't want to miss ANY aspect of it.

Sometimes it is important to take a minute and realize the things in our lives that bless us each and every day. I just want to make sure I take the time to understand and be thankful for all the blessings I have in my life.

Yes, I complain from time to time, probably more often than I rightfully should, but at the end of the day, when I lay down to sleep, and I close my eyes, I can see all the things I've been given and all the blessings I've received and I make it a point to give thanks for those things, even for the things that have caused me pain in the past, but have made me the man I am.

That said, I just want to take a moment, set an example (mostly for/to myself), and just simply give thanks for the blessings in my life.

My family:

Rex (dad), Vivian (mom), Lorah, Travis, Jason, Faith, Josh and Carla. I love you all and have been blessed to be part of your family these last 27 years of my life, and I look forward to many more. Even though there have been some very difficult times, and some times that I may wish to erase, they have helped to shape each and every one of us to be the people we are today. Perhaps some of us still need shaping and working on, but we're going to get there, and in the end, we're all still going to be family, and that's all there is to it.

Xaden, Maverick, Elizabeth and Noelle... I love you all, sweet little children. It has been and will continue to be an honor to be your uncle, whether I get to see you or not, I will always be your uncle and will always love you guys and girls with all my heart. I hope that one day when you're all grown up, you'll look back and say that I did right by all of you, that I taught you something important, that I showed you love.

My friends:

I've had so many blessings in my life in the form of friendships. I may mention a few here, but if your name is not mentioned, please don't feel bad, there are just certain people in our lives that touch us, that make an impact and change us in some way that we'll never forget, and I want to acknowledge that.

Stacia Rae. You're my best friend, and I love you with all my heart.  You've become more important to me than I thought any one woman ever could. I love you with all my heart. I love you more than anyone ever before. I adore and cherish everything about you, and your friendship is so very important to me. Your relationship is more important than almost anything right now. I know that you were put in my life for a reason, and I know that reason is going to be a very lasting one. I know that you're for me, and I'm for you. We work so well together, we make each other happy, we were simply made for each other. The pains we've been through are so similar and have made it so that we connect on such a perfect and intimate level.  I have never had such a lovely and God-honoring relationship with anyone in my life and I love what we have and plan to keep it for as long as He allows me to.

Joseph Denges. Such a loving and caring man. I've known you for about 6 or so years now, we've gone through some pretty hard times together. We've been able to relate to each other through the pain we experienced together, and by melding and molding our friendship through such hard times, we've been able to come to each other through the hardest of times, and we've known that the other will always be there. You've been such a light to me, Joe, and I hope that I've been one to you. There were times when I felt so very alone, and there you were, offering your friendship and understand of my situations. I owe you so very much, Joe, I owe you my life. Thank you.

Justin, Matt and Dusty (the rest of the guys from Hollowell). You guys have all been so amazing to me in letting me become the fanatic that I've always been of your music. You've made it clear that above and beyond any idea of me as a fan, I am a friend first, and that means the world to me. You brought me with you as we traveled across the country to Tennessee and allowed me to be part of something that is still one of the most fun trips I've ever been on. Thank you so very much. Thank you for always including me in practices, as well as just regular times to hang out, all band business aside. It is that idea, those recognitions of friendship that I appreciate so very much.

Chris Jackson. What can I say about you, brother? I've known you my whole life, and while we don't get to hang out save for a few times a year, if that, now that we're both grown ups and both so very busy, I will never forget your friendship and will always cherish you and the impact you've had in my life. You were there with me in some pretty dark times, you stood next to me, you were my friend. Chris I love you, brother, I always will. I'm so very proud of the man you've become, the father that you are, and the husband that you are. I admire you and your dedication and love and loyalty.

Everyone at San Marcos. Having been homeschooled my whole life until college, going to school and attaining my degree (both of them, soon enough) is a very big deal for me. To be able to stand proud and say that I have a Bachelor's and a Master's in Literature and Writing will be a good day. There were some who said to my parents that homeschooled kids just aren't going to make it, or that they won't be as smart or do as well as public school kids. Well I stand as proof that we can and will achieve! Jane, Lea, James, Andrew, Jeff, Chris, Ken, Katy, Jeremy, Amira, Robynne, Cori, Martha, Yuan, Oliver, Heidi, Lance, Mark, Sue and many, many others... THANK YOU.

To anyone I didn't mention, I apologize, I still love each and every one of you.

Take a minute to be thankful.

Do you remember being young?  Your biggest worry was whether it was going to be Strawberry or Grape jelly for your PB&J.  Or maybe something a little more crazy than that... hide and seek or freeze tag.  When we were young, these are the things that we had to worry about.  It's nothing.  It's not worries at all.  I'd give anything to have those days back, and not have to worry about adult things and responsibilities.

Now fast forward to teens, young adulthood and eventual adulthood.  Bills, work, school, cars, gas, insurance, rent, tuition, career and relationship choices/failings... it's not the same as Strawberry or Grape, is it?  It's a hell of a lot more difficult and it really sucks sometimes.  Looking at all these issues of life, these struggles... wouldn't you just like to go back?  Get the simple life back?  I think my answer is both yes and no to those questions.  Yes because it was so much easier back then, no worries, no issues, no hurts and no pains.  But no because if we lived out our lives in such simple a way, we'd never learn anything.

I've been blessed with a relatively easy life.  Sure I've hit some speedbumps, and sure I've been hurt, but in all honesty, I've not lead a difficult life.  I've battled with depression, heartbreak, substance abuse (alcoholism), maybe even suicidal thoughts and even tendencies.  But looking back, I've not had a consistently difficult life.  I'm a 26 year old man.  I was born and raised in Orange County.  I've lived in the same house I have since I was 1, I don't remember anywhere else.  I live in my parents garage without paying rent because they've been gracious enough to allow me that while I'm finishing graduate school.  So my troubles are less than many.

But when it comes down to it... I wouldn't change my life.  I struggle with things on a daily basis.  Life is difficult sometimes.  But who doesn't have a difficult time here and there?  Fact is - there's always going to be issues arising and people will always deal with them.  But in the recent days/weeks of my life, I've learned that it's ok to have issues.  That's part of life.

The only difference is how people deal with these issues.  Some people run from them.  And let me tell you, as a man who has run from more issues than he can count, I'll tell you it doesn't do any good whatsoever.  So there's either running from the issues... or there's EMBRACING them.  When you get hit in the face with some issue, grab it head on and see what happens.  You may find it's a journey much more easily traversed.

I'm trying to become a man who will embrace things when they come.  Whether they are good or bad, I'm trying to take things head on, meet them, conquer them.  I'll keep you posted as to how that turns out.

It's April... which means it's 2 months after I was supposed to get my thesis proposal approved for writing... YET, I've not gotten it approved just yet... and haven't gotten to where I need to be just yet.

I'm working my ass off trying to revise it and create something that is acceptable and something that is going to make a mark in the history of Chuck Palahniuk research... but it's damn hard to find something worth writing about that isn't going to drive me insane or bore me to death.

I need to find the "so what" or the "who cares" about why Chuck Palahniuk creates characters who are so very socially disabled by character traits such as hyper-masculinity.  This is so difficult... but I love the topic, it's an interesting idea... but now I need the SO WHAT and the WHO CARES questions to be answered.  WHY IS IT IMPORTANT THAT PALAHNIUK DOES THIS?

Any ideas are VERY WELCOME!!!